sticks and stones may break my bones but words constitute my entire existence and my ability to meaningfully interact with the universe because we live in a textual reality in which everything is constructed and coded by language there is no escaping the symbolic dimensions of language there is nothing outside the text there is nothing outside the text there is nothing outside the text
I can’t believe that I never put the pieces together. I ignored when you invalidated my feelings. Made me apologize for the things you did. Made me feel like it was my fault when I got upset because you hooked up with other girls right in front of me. Slept with other girls and told me about it just to see my reaction. And when I lashed out, everyone blamed me. Acted like I was in the wrong. Told me my friends weren’t on my side. You turned me on them and made me look horrible and crazy. Made me look and feel so stupid. I let you hit me. I let you fucking hit me so many times and I laughed it off later on. Because “that’s just him” according to everyone. You made me act like it was an excuse. When I tried I confront you, you denied it. Pretended it wasn’t you. And I forgave you. So many times. You were the most horrible person to me and I still wanted to be with you. You were the last person I saw in the place I was happiest. You said we were friends. We could be. That you were glad we got past out issues. Then you bullied me, months later from halfway across the world. My friends won’t even talk to me anymore. I’m such an idiot. I always thought I would never put myself in that sort of position. I only got out because I had to leave. I hope that you don’t treat her how you treated me. I wish I would have done something. I wish my friends would have done something other than make excuses and become best friends with you when I left. I wish I didn’t still hate myself for what you did to me and how you’ve made me see myself.